Volume 3, Number 7, Page 6

Dear Prudence and Camilla; Letters To The Editor

Dear Prudence and Camilla,
	Who the hell are you?  I subscribed late and I have no idea who the hell you
are or what your column is about.  I never wrote any letters to you because I
thought you might be sickening perverts.  I wrote letters to the editor,
because I know she's a sickening pervert.  I also thought that maybe I could
do comic strips for your column.  Look at this!

 [a drawing of Mrs. May which 
   the OUMMCBNOM printing
   offices had no hope of being
   able to duplicate]

From
	Andrew Sigman

Dear Mr. Sigman,
	Seeing as we are currently lost at sea, now seems to be a lovely time to
tell everyone of our history.  We began our writing careers writing letters
to students at Norup Middle School who had made offensive comments.  We were
then hired by the OUMMCBNOM to write an advice column, Dear Prudence and
Camilla.  However, when we received very few letters, we grew upset, so upset
that we began singing "Wait A Minute Mr. Postman" rather loudly at all hours
of the night.  Our neighbors grew upset as well, and we were sent to jail for
disturbing the peace and subsequently to Big Al's Institute For The Mentally
Dysfunctional.  There we stayed for a few months, making friends with the
likes of Drooling Dan and Defenestrating Donald, until Big Al's was closed
because of state budget cuts.  However, every cloud has a silver lining, and
the former Institute For The Mentally Dysfunctional became Big Al's Shrimp
Hut.  We obtained jobs at the Shrimp Hut, and were the epitome of good
employees, until we were arrested on charges of shrimp laundering.  We did
nothing wrong!  But we were jailed in the Sheboygan Heights Maximum Security
Prison for Shrimp Offenders despite our protests of innocence.  There, before
being set free around volume 2, number 8, we met Fifi.  We lived happily for
a few months until being asked by The Republican to contact the largest
newspaper we knew to disclose information about the affairs that we both had
had with President Bill Clinton.  We contacted the OUMMCBNOM, which printed a
thoughtful article about our plight, and covered our story as we went to
testify before Congress and then as we traveled around the world with the
money The Republican gave us.  Our travels lead us to a cruise aboard the Sea
Ferret and, as you know, the rest is on the front page of the OUMMCBNOM.
	Yes, you can write comics as long as you do it on plain white paper in black
ink.



Letters To The Editor
Dear Editor,
	I usually enjoy your newspaper, but I was very disappointed with part of
your last issue.  The problem is that you spelled "Manuel Nunez" incorrectly.
	You spelled it "Nunez," however the correct way to spell it is with a tilde
(~) - "Nunez."  You also spelled "ingles" incorrectly.  You left out the
accent over the "e."  Any Hispanic person, Spanish teacher, or Spanish
student should be ashamed of the absence of an accent, and even more upset
about the absence of a tilde, as the tilde is the greatest part of the whole
Spanish language.

 Sincerely,
		Tilde Man


            
   /      \
   | ~  ~  |
   |   ~   |
   |  ~~~  |
    \     /
     |   |
  ~---| |---~
      | |
   ~~ / \~~

Dear Mr. Tilde,
	Thank you for your concern.  As you see, we have now mastered the art of
creating accents on our Printing Office computer, which was a more difficult
operation than one might think.  Again, thank you for your letter.

Dear Editor,
	Oh my!  I am so distressed.  No sooner did I realize that I owed Pud and Cam
a letter than I found out that the daring pair had been lost at sea.  Alas!
What is a secret admirer to do?  If there is any way I can help to find
Prudence and Camilla, please tell me.

		Pud and Cam's Secret Admirer

Dear Admirer,
	Thank you for your kind words.  All that we can do now is wait, write
letters, send contributions, and trust that the Sea Ferret will be found
soon.





















This page has been left blank in order to eliminate an awkward page turn.

Previous Page | Next Page | Index